Feeling moody these few days and probably the days to come. I've read quite a no. of ppl's blog today. I realised those ppl who have a gf r ppl who r not the serious in everything kind of ppl. They r either bengs, slacking, totally skipping classes and basically not achieving in anything. But somehow they r achieving more than me. U noe I thought girls prefer a much serious person. Well guess that's totally false now. I'm very tempted to be led astray and skip classes now. And I found out it's kinda impossible for us alrdy, since I'm not her type at all and we have different interest. Game over I think. I'm so envious of Ken and Justin.
Chatting with Zhi Min now. She's an old friend of mine. She's a really interesting person, good friend of mine. She said that I looked very different from last time, looked better. I should have felt happy. But if only she would say the same to me. It feels nice to rmb the old days, from pri sch to sec sch and now. I have met so many wonderful ppl thru out these times. From Zafiz and Kent Tan, to Haziq and Lutfi, and of cos my beloved Ken, Wx them. I wonder wat would happen in years to come. It's just like a continuous domino. U keep placing new pieces, at the front of the row the dominoes start falling. I really hope my domino pieces will be replaced faster than fall, or else I would end up with no more pieces.....
I should have felt proud and good since my studies and results r maintained thru out. But somehow I just felt very lousy, losing in everything. Loser's one word I've always hated and I would nvr use it unnecessarily. But it seems I'm slowly becoming one in life.
Just awhile ago, I was laying on my bed, facing the dark ceiling. I couldn't slp and was thinking abt quite a no. of things on my mind. So I decided to on my laptop and started to write on this post. I dunno why but I just find that whenever I'm in my rm, I feel a sense of loneliness and inferiority. I thought it was just me going crazy or sort. But the quietness and loneliness in my rm keeps ringing in my head.
I've been stressing myself to perform better in everything I do, yet I'm always not meeting my expectations. I just realised even though I have so many friends, but I just always feel lonely. Maybe because there are too many secrets in my life, keeping things to myself. I feel that something is missing in my life, I dunno wat is it but it's like a puzzle. That piece prevents me from being whole and truly happy. Yes i may appear successful and good in many things, but I do so just to make myself feel better. But in reality, I'm nothing.
Sunday, July 27, 2008
Just watched the movie: At First Sight. It was such a touching and lovely film. It talks abt this Virgil portrayed by Val Kilmer who is blind since 1 year old. Through fate he met this woman who is on a vacation in his town. After some time they fell in love and she researched and found a treatment for his eyes. Finally he is able to see. But he had trouble learning how to see and adapting to his new life. Just when he is getting used to his new gift of sight, his doctor informed him that he is slowly becoming blind agn. Damn this story is sad. Unable to see anything including his loved ones.
It's 3.39am and I dunno why I am still awake. Maybe I shall play audi for awhile? Or should I watch another film? I always wanted to stroll along the beach in the middle of the night and wait till sunrise. Even better if I get to do it together with her. But unfortunately my leg and my location forbids me so. Good night.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Dunno why now I'm feeling kinda emo. It's 2am, I dun feel like audiing, neither studying, nor watching tv or anime. I dun even noe wat I'm gonna blog abt. I'm supposed to be happy today since I got my back Econs result and it's quite well done. I had a good day today too. So wat's lacking?
And alot of my friends keep asking me to get a real gf. Prob is I can't find one. Even if when I find one I'm always too slow, or too timid to approach her in fear of rejection. I've read someone's blog by mistake today and I found out that she actually share a similar past as me, except that she is much prettier than I am handsome. But kinda understand how she feels, loving someone yet unable to do so. How I wish my love luck would begin to change for the better.
I like you very much since the day I met you. Ya I noe I always notice girls passing by or so, but the one I like will always be you.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Today went to NUH right after sch to buy my Air cast AKA Robocop leg. Then when I put it on and tried to move my first step, it was unexpectly heavy x.x It was twice the weight of my previous cast like wtf? Then it's bulky and heavy and totally ugly. But at least now I can walk normally without crutches. As in NORMALLY like no injury like that, no limping. But due to the freaking robocop's leg being higher, I felt like going up and down as I walk. So if I stand on the leg, I seem taller xD
And now I show u the transformation from mummy to Robocop.
I'm Alex J Murphy xDDD
Monday, July 21, 2008
Today I finally removed my cast. The freaking miniature circular saw thingy they used to cut my cast open was FKING SCARY. YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESZXSZSZSZSZSZSAYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAASXSXSXSXXSTYAAAAAAAASXSXSXS. This was how it sounded like when it cut thru my cast. It sounded like a super pissed off twitter or some sort. I felt my soul flew out of my body that moment ~.~
But now that I am out of the cast, I thought can liao, end up is haven't. Now need put on detachable cast. Then wtf they remove my cast for in the first place? Make me happy for awhile only -.- Then the dumbest part is the detachable cast looks like Robocop's leg, and mind u, it's not cheap. It's a fking 190 bucks for a robocop's leg. I repeat, 1 leg only.... Imagine if u have 2.... 380 x.x
Oh yea, and the Econs test today was bloody weird. It wasn't difficult, yet it wasn't easy. It's sort of a come-whack-me-if-can kind of paper. Mr Alex Lum also say this test is must get 10% more than previous paper. Those who got 80 must get at least 88 this time. I got 90 for previous, means now must get 99 -.-" I cannot even throw away 1 mark in that 50 marks paper. I think the max error I can do is forgot to write date or spell my name incorrectly sia.
Oh and I haven't show u guys wat my cast looks liked right? I finalllllly took pics of it. Even the doctor was amazed by the artwork on it. Who wouldn't when the sole of my cast writes: Josh is Gay. =/
I'm starting to miss the cast alrdy. (And no, I do not wan it back)
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Everything will be fine next week. Whatever there is coming at me, I'll break its balls :D BRING IT ON, UR FACING THE BIG THEN, FOOL!!!
I found this Tic Tac Toe game which is ultimately smart. It records my moves and automatically play with u. U put watever place I will also base on it and place my move. TRY AND WIN ME IN THIS GAME!!!!
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Saturday, July 19, 2008
I dunno wat to say. But this has possibly been the worst week ever. First something was snatched away right under my grasp by a good friend. But I cannot be angry with him still since he is my good friend. Everytime I face them I dunno wat to say or act. Then today I found out I have been lied to since the beginning. She said she liked me and everything and that she confessed to me. I asked to give me more time but just when I was to accept her, I found out. She lied abt her age, her sch, her family, her identity, her photo, I dun even noe if her name is true. Now she even cut off all contacts, and I can't even ask her for the truth. I can't believe these 1mth or is a whole lie. To top it off, their stats paper was as easy as their original. It's totally unfair, they have got so much more time to study, yet their paper is so much easier than mine. Everyone's gonna get an A or B while I'll attain a C.
Just when I thought I could hold on to everything together and go for the finishing line, it seems I overestimated myself. The ropes snapped and everything fell apart. I thought I could make it if I put in my 100%. But sometimes life is unfair. For my case, it's majority of the time. I completely lose faith in God, and I dunno who to trust anymore. If there is just a way to reverse time, I would choose not to meet them so none of these would happen......
Friday, July 18, 2008
Lol, the first thing that I rmb to blog abt is Eraserssssss. Dunno why I miss my childhood or wat, started to play with erasers since Thursday. Guess lecture was too bored, so I took out a piece of eraser and my ruler. Then start to shoot small pieces of eraser at ppl. But the best part was the SPREAD FIRE!!!!
I cut alot alot alot of small pieces of erasers and place them on the ruler.
Aim at Pey Horng them.
Stretch/Bend the ruler downwards.
Release the ruler!
But instead of hitting just Pey Horng, I guess it was too powerful. It spread like some powder thingy those special effects. Hit the entire row (that is abt 10 ppl) LOL
Then today PACC was too bored too. So I did the same thing, but this time Yuqi, Jamie and HuiJun sit 2 rows infront. So I tried to aim at yq (it was difficult, she is at a lower elevation) then release bomb! End up flew past her and hit the guy infront and stuck inside the his hair. We laugh until siao.
Oh ya, we also met this new friend, he pure joker. We kept thinking Wan (his name) was Sharifah's bf, cos they forever together. But end up dunno he is or act gay. But fking disgusting lol. He kept turning around and lick the water bottle. Then his actions wakao.... During ytd's I think is FOM lecture, he said something damn funny.
Lecturer: Do u prefer square table or round one when u have a big group of friends over for gathering (she was explaining FOM term i forgot liao)
Wan: Why u need table for when u got a bed sia?He spoke damn loud somemore lol.
Oh yea, and I can start to walk without the crutches. But due to the cast preventing me from bending my ankle, I had to walk with my left leg stiffly. I looked like a mummy =/
And one last thing, while I am writing this post, the rest of the class are having their Stats CA1 retest. Hope theirs are really really really difficult. =x
Monday, July 14, 2008
14th July. I can't rmb wat happened last year on this day, but I knew it was something very very bad. This year, the same happened agn. My pacc CA2 was a goner, I tried my hardest, yet I fail miserably. Besides that, I had alot of other stuff too.
While having lunch, I ordered fish & chips with rice and 4 nuggets, came out rice and 2 nuggets gone, add the coleslaw. Just when u thought u not gonna enjoy ur meal, followed another catastrophe. Henry and Ken toppled their coconut drink unto me and my bag. Then I just couldn't understand pacc accrual part and totally messed up the format too. Even the dinner I just ate was horrible...
Then just now I got another bad news hit me real hard, I dun wish to talk abt something so personal. I think life is unfair, I hate being me.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Nth much happened today. But I was too bored, so since I have nth better to do, I shall post then. The most interesting that happened today was I tried something just now. I stood one leg on my fractured leg and exert 100% weight on it. No pain, means it's nearly healed. Now left just the bone strengthening part.
I feel like wolverine, supposed to heal in at least 1 1/2 mths. But I'm going to take only 1mth instead :D But if I'm wolverine, wth would I fracture my leg in the first place -.-
Another week passes by, still I'm bored as ever. Having PACC CA2 on monday and I am totally unprepared. Ressal had dinner, Henry had BBQ, Ms Han wasn't free, Mr Alex Lum had meeting. So after sch my plan to study/consultation was abolished.
Went home I was too bloody tired and went to slp. Planned to wake up at 8 or 9. Ended up until 11pm -.- Why was I so tired? The day b4 was TERRIBLE. I forgotten to do econs tutorial so I basically rushed thru until 3am. Why until 3? Cos Yq dun understand, teach her can vomit blood =/
Then I went to bed. But I just couldn't slp dunno why, then when I was abt to fall aslp, I instantly woke up agn. Reason? I HAD A FKING GORY AND TOTALLY PERVERTED NIGHTMARE IN THAT 1MIN OF SLP.
I dreamt of watching my alrdy fractured leg twist and turn and then it literally tore apart. Then dunno wat happen, got this fker start pouring unlimited amounts of maggots unto me and I was drowning in a pool of maggots (fking disgusting). Then dunno wat skip to some rdm scenes veryyyyyy fast like spding up a movie or something (it was a headache and it felt like vomiting) And the nightmare ended with dunno internal organs burst open from something and blood was everywhere (I think it was me)......... So I woke up and couldn't fell aslp. I am surprised though. How can a dream that long only last 1min in reality, it's horrible......
Well nth much happened today either, except I fell down in class due to my slippers falling apart. Fortunately I fell unto my knees and hands but in doing so, I sprained my right foot _|_
So now my right foot is damn pain but wat can I do? So endure pain throughout the day lor -.-
10 more days b4 cast is taken off. Can't wait
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Didn't go to sch for ITAB today. Too tired and bored and lazy and very mafan to go sch nowadays too =/ So I basically did nth the whole day too. Watched some movies - Night at the Museum, The Happening, Saw IV.
Dunno wat to blog either, since nth interesting happened today. Except I got another A for ITAB :) I'M FREAKING BORED AND PISSED RIGHT NOW. I WANNA TAKE OFF MY CAST AND WALK. RUN. JUMP.
Sigh.... I frequently wonder if I should had even go ice-skating. For the joy of 1 day, I missed the fun of 1 month. I missed Wanted (though I watched online alrdy) with Henry, I can't go FC3 to eat chicken talk with them (they r getting sick of eating too much alrdy). I missed confest with Wx them. Wat else? Oh yea... Tennis too. I'm gonna miss the upcoming mentoring CCA 1st week too.
2 roses
1 knows yet the other haven't
1 wants yet the other doesn't
1 wish yet the other hasn't
1 gets yet the other wouldn't
1 hurt yet the other doesn't
2 in the end, both couldn't
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
Ytd both my leg also in tremendous pain. Left knee hurts like mad, right leg is damn tired and stressed out (wat do u expect from 2 weeks+ of relying on right leg) So I didn't go sch. Did nth much the whole day, damn bored -.- z z z
Then today went to sch for FOM and Stats tutorials. Quite boring, nvr teach anything special or new. Oh oh, and I haven't talked abt my CA1 results yet right? Not bad, got 2 As and 1B, still got 2 more haven't take back - ITAB and Stats. OH AND I DUNNO WHY, I FEEL JAMIE WAS WEIRD TODAY!!!!! IN FACT I FEEL HENRY WAS WEIRD TOO!!!! CB, LIKE AS IF THEY PLOTTING SOMETHING x.x
Right, reverse abit time travel back to Saturday, Ken, Wx, Yen and Yy came over to visit me and signed on my cast. We ordered 2 Pizzas 1 lagsane, drumlets and wings and meatballs. Eat until shiok. It was always good to have them around :)