<body>
Welcome

Click on above to explore my world.


Tuesday, December 30, 2008
10:46 PM

Today went to sch for a new start (I missed Monday cos I was coughing very badly), feels kinda weird my mom didn't wake me up. But my routine stays the same, brush my teeth, shower, change and go to sch. Didn't quite pay attention in class today, felt....weird. Finished sch, took the train back Boonlay and went NTUC to buy some groceries. Went home and read a book. Didn't even bother to play Audi nowadays. Make-up Exams' coming soon, but dun feel much motivated to study for it, and the coughing is not helping either.


Thursday, December 25, 2008
11:53 PM

Merry Christmas to everyone.
Merry Christmas mom.


Wednesday, December 24, 2008
10:04 PM

Last year I celebrated Christmas with Haziq and Lutfi, kinda gay but at least I had company. Every year I wished I had the opportunity to celebrate with a special girl. But this year looks like I had no chance agn, and worse off, I'm celebrating with myself. Haha. =/

Just watched a movie called Just Friends. It's abt this guy Chris who was really fat and in love with his very best friend Jamie. Then during graduation nite party, he finally confessed to her, but she rejected him and the people at the party laughed at him too. So he decided to run away to the City and 10 years past. He slimmed down into a handsome dude, went back to his Town for some work. Met her agn, but thru out, they still get stucked as friends. Lots of funny ordeals blah blah. But at the end, they decided to get tgt.
I think I'm at a worse position than him? But kinda sweet luh, maybe I'll end up like this dude someday haha.

I dunno wat else to write abt. Oh yea and I got injured so it hurts. Just smsed and talked to Clarisee. Lol, she and her bf at ECP abt to hanky pankying alrdy still ask me come over.

Well then, I guess I will read a book until it's 12am then I will erm.... I dunno, say Merry Xmas to myself lols. So eh.... cya ltr.


Thursday, December 18, 2008
2:17 AM

Today received the email of the list who were selected as Sub Committee in Mentoring. Everyone I knew were selected, and I was the only one who didn't get the role. It isn't my fault that I didn't send in the application, how do u expect me to send when I had to stay in the hospital with my mom. I've always wanted to become a sub committee and hopefully into main committee. Now everything is gone. It's really unfair, doing ur best yet not receiving nth in return. If they could just give me one more chance.

It's been nearly 2 weeks since my mom has passed away. Funny how life has to continue on. Holiday doesn't seem like holiday, felt empty and silent. Even though the festive season is nearing, somehow I just felt something is missing. Just few days ago when I ordered Mcdelivery, I realised my mom wasn't there to tap on my shoulder that the meal has came, or even pay for me. How I wish my mom was here just to tap on my shoulder even once. I really missed her.


Sunday, December 7, 2008
10:56 PM

It's been days since I last updated. I've been MIA-ing for the past few days, missed 2 exams, disappeared even from msn. 6 days of restless nights and days, unable to slp properly. It's kinda sad when u see ur loved ones leave just like that. I rmb it was just Tuesday morning when it all began the last journey. She was hospitalised while I was having exam. Then went straight to the hospital to check on her. She had so many tubes connected and looks so painful. But nevetheless, she fought on hard and even reminded me to go to slp early since exam period lol.

But the next few days, her health detoriated, not even being able to speak, while drifting into subconcious frequently. She kept groaning of pain and breathing difficulties, we had news her days r numbered. Finally on Friday afternoon 12.29pm, her breathing stopped, technically brain dead but heart still beating. Fortunately the whole family was there to send her off at her last moment. Of cos everyone was sad and grieving, but we should be happy too, cos her departure, was a painless and quiet one.

We spent the next 3 days until sunday at her wake. Seeing many old relatives and friends. Unexpectedly, 2 of my very best and old friends came - Dong Dong and ZhiMin. I didn't tell them abt my mom, but it was God's will which sent them here. Mom always wanted me to believe in God agn, restoring my faith in him. And for this purpose and my last promise to her, I will return back to God, and put my faith in him once agn.

Finally on Sunday, after 6 days of tears and saddness, we sent her to the cremetorium. Watching her leave physically was the most painful thing ever experienced. But we knew finally she has gone back to heavens. She had feared injections, medications and the after-effects of it. 5 years she has been battling with Cancer, and on 5 dec 2008, she finally was able to rest in peace.

Yes I still may be sad over her death, but still life goes on, and I noe my mom wun wan to see me like this. Our family realised the importance of kinship and family bonding even more now, and we promise that even after ur gone, we will still gather and have a family dinner occassionally. Now coming home is a weird thing. I'm used to seeing my mother sitting in the living rm, either playing her PSP or watching TV. But now somehow it feels weird calling "mom" yet no one answers. I used to resent ur nagging and overconcern, but now I crave for it more than anything else. I missed ur cooking, ur laughter and most of all, ur presence. Lastly I just wanna say no matter how much I screamed at u, do bad stuff or rebel, I just wish u would forgive me and I love u always regardless and till the day we meet agn, take care mom.

P.S Dong Dong didn't change much since the last time I saw him, but Zhi Min is absolutely stunning now. Lol....


Monday, December 1, 2008
8:54 PM

Somehow the world seems to crumble down when all problems arise at the same time. My exams aren't going smoothly, having mindblocks and all. The fam is dying with friends leaving. But most of all, I've received news that her days are numbered. She would leave this world and me any moment. Just to top it off, my siblings especially my brother keeps lecturing me. I was very tired and I have exams, but my brother keeps telling me to mop the floor, do this do that. I dun even have the motivation or mind to study anymore. But I dun have any valid LOA to take the makeup test instead. Everything seems so dim right now. Sometimes I doubt the existence of God, and today I doubted even more. Many questions appeared, one of which is why God has to take her away from me. Even writting this post seems difficult, feeling something stuck in my throat, tears in my eyes. 2008 has indeed been a very different and difficult year. I dun even noe if she would still be here on Christmas. But please, if dear heavenly father ever hears my prayer, I beg u to let her stay....


about/
tag/
links/
credits/
past/